Welcome!

Hey everyone! Welcome to Judi's Relationship Advice column!

Let me first tell you how this place came to be:

For years now I've been involved in a number of online discussion forums pertaining to relationships and sex. I've thoroughly enjoyed discussing relationships and offering advice to those who come seeking it. So an advice column is something I've always been interested in.

Recently I had the opportunity to offer advice to two different real life friends. Both times I was told, by the friends and by my wonderful husband, that I should consider writing a column.

So I figured what the hell? And here I am.

Let me give you a bit of an introduction to my take on life in general:

I believe we all make our own happiness. You can't make me happy, I can't make you happy. Similarly, if we are miserable it is of our own doing.

"Wait," you say, "what do you mean we can't make each other happy or miserable, of course we can!"

No, we really can't....not without permission. Nobody can make me miserable unless I LET them. Nobody can help me be happy unless I LET them.

Also, it's much easier for someone else to influence my happiness if I already feel that way anyway. If I'm happy with myself, then it becomes infinitely easier for my husband to add to that happiness....conversely it would be quite difficult for him to make me truly miserable, unless I choose to let him.

The best part about this philosophy of mine? We all have the power WITHIN OURSELVES to find happiness.

But this means choosing to have people in our lives that promote that happiness, and not allowing others to bring us down.

And that's where relationships come into play. So let me introduce you to my philosophy on relationships:

Whatever happens between consenting adults is their own damn business. If you and your partner are happy bed hopping every weekend, so be it. If you are only happy in a strictly monogamous relationship where nobody has sexual relations with anyone but you (not even with themselves) that's fine too. If you want to be with someone who goes mountain biking and rock climbing with you every weekend, that's great. If you just want to sit on the couch all weekend, that's great too. Whatever you want, you can have.

But for goodness sake, please find someone else who shares those values with you.

You can't change other people. Period. They can change themselves if THEY want to, but no amount of wanting them to or begging them to will make a lick of difference if they don't want to.

So, it's absolutely vital to choose people to share your life with who are on the same page as you.

This also means it's vital to communicate about what page you are actually on.

We can all have happy relationships if we choose the people in our lives wisely and communicate openly with those people.

So there you have it, a taste of my view of the world. Now, it wouldn't be a very good advice column without someone seeking advice, would it? So please, ask away!

Take care my darlings!

Judi