Monday, September 29, 2008

Long term love

This week marks the 9th anniversary of my marriage to Mitch. So I thought I'd take a break from writing advice specific to relationship problems, and try to write something about what makes a long term relationship so wonderful. Too often those who give advice focus on the bad things that go on in relationships and how to get past them....today I'd like to focus on the good things about relationships and how wonderful they can be!

There are a lot of people out there who can't even fathom being with one person for a few years, let alone decades or a lifetime. I used to wonder myself if human beings were really cut out for long term monogamy. Over the years I've come to believe that some people really are not made for the monogamous lifestyle. However, there are those of us who are. And I gotta tell ya, I think it's a beautiful thing.

What's so beautiful about sharing your life with only one person? My husband and I have discussed this many times.

One of the first things that comes to mind is that we don't have to deal with the discomfort of learning all about a new person and teaching them about ourselves. When you date someone new, you really don't know anything about them and they don't know anything about you. That can be very exciting, but it can also be stressful and a lot of hard work. Mitch and I are far past that. It's actually surprising when we learn something new about one another, because we've been together long enough that we think we know everything there is to know.

There's a comfort in that, in knowing that this other person knows everything there is to know about you and they accept you and love you for everything that you are. I don't have to worry what Mitch will think when he learns that I was a nerd in school....he already knows. Mitch doesn't have to worry what I will think when I learn he has an extensive comic book collection....I already know. If we were to find ourselves suddenly single again I think it would stress both of us out just knowing we'd have to reveal ourselves to a whole new person and then worry about what their reaction would be.

I think this knowing each other is at the core of everything that is beautiful about long term relationships. I feel safe with Mitch because he knows everything about me. I know that a lot of people have trouble trusting another person enough to really put it all out there, but there is no better feeling than doing so and having that person embrace you completely. It's taken time, for both of us, to get to this point, to truly trust each other enough to reveal our complete selves....but we are now closer than ever and that feels so good.

Another side of knowing someone for this long, and letting yourself be truly known, is not having to figure out what makes them tick in the bedroom. Mitch is an expert at how to get me going and get me off, and I'm an expert at getting him going and getting him off. That doesn't mean there's never anything new, there certainly is. It does mean that when there's not enough time for long slow love making, we know how to get it done quick! It also means we know how to make it last all night.

The trust we have built over the years has helped our sexual relationship grow to something far more beautiful than either of us could have imagined. I think we both probably expected it to get boring. I mean, really, how exciting can having sex with the same person for 11 years be? But it is exciting. We trust each other enough to be able to ask for and try new things, things we might not be able to try with someone who we hadn't been with this long, who we didn't trust as much as we trust each other. Our sexual relationship is better now than it's ever been, after almost 11 years together.

It's nice to be so comfortable with someone that you can play games together, watch movies or TV together, solve puzzles together, or just have a quite dinner together and be comfortable. It's beautiful to know that this person loves me completely and that we don't have to hide anything from each other.

It feels like home.

I wish each and every one of you that very feeling.

I love you Mitch. Thank you for sharing in this life with me.

All my love,
Judi

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Loved this post! :) You guys rock!